


Changes

by heavenslove



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Seventeen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 16:05:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5877052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenslove/pseuds/heavenslove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hansol doesn't like being touched. Never has and probably never will. But probably isn't certain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Changes

Hansol never liked people touching him.  
He didn't know when it started but he was sure that it was early in his life. He didn't shy away when his parents or his sister hugged him but it left an uncomfortable feeling on his skin, so he never reciprocated them. 

Of course this left his parents confused and his sister sad but they learned not to mind it.  


He didn't love them less, just couldn't bring himself to get used to the foreign heat of another body, the scent they would bring with them. It wasn't something he liked.  


Not at all. And he didn't know why.  


People who weren't family were a whole other story. It didn't matter if they were teachers, or other kids his age. Didn't matter if it was an old woman who just wanted to touch his hair because it was different from everyone else'. Other people couldn't touch him. Were not allowed to touch him. Because it _hurt_. It hurt with a burning intensity that he would cry out for his mother and rushed to her to bask in her protection.  


But everything without touching her.  


After the seventh time this happend, his parents send him to a doctor but not without explaining that the doctor has to touch him in order to know what is going on. _He didn't liked that even for a second._  


Hansol loved his parents, so after suggesting that the doctor could wear gloves, they went there.  


Nothing. The results showed that his body was functioning how it should. And while Hansol sat outside drawing a picture for his sister and talking with the other kids - _talking, not touching or sitting side by side_ \- the doctor suggested that maybe they should seek other help.  


So after convincing her husband that their son needed help, Hansol's mother went with him to a psychologist.  
After weeks of mind prodding and an unhappy Hansol they got the results.  
Nothing. Again. Nothing that would show why he feels how he does.  


  
Young in mind and body, Hansol couldn't see why everyone regarded him strange when his teacher announced to be careful around him.  
He had very few problems with the new language, he was fun and he just learned how to swim! So when no one wanted anything to do with him just because he didnt't like to be touched - he withdraw himself.  


He could have been happy with this situation, but people grow. Kids grow and not always do they grow up to be better people. So when he got in the 4th grade and his teacher had to reannounce - _like always,like everyone didn't already know what a strange kid he was_ \- that he is unwell when people are to close, the other kids who were young and mean and didn't know better, _didn't care that they hurt him_ , started to touch him.  


They would skim him in the hallways, where they just ignored him only a few months earlier. They would push him in his physical education class where just _months before_ they avoided him. Some of the more rude children would poke his back in class or sling their arms around his shoulder to pull him closer.  
  


And it **hurt**. It burned with such a deepness,that all his other senses sometimes failed him.  


His parents got the letter a few months after the start of the new year.  


" _Maybe you should consider to search for another location to teach Hansol_ "- was written. And they knew what that meant. Hansol and the other children are not able to work together, they couldnt ignore him and he gave up on trying to befriend them.  


  
So the deciscion was made that he would be homeschooled. 

He was comfortable enough around his family and his parents were teachers. It couldn't get any better in his opinion.

When he was thirteen and he went out to eat something,someone poked his shoulder and he pulled frightened away. Not that it was obvious. _Of course not._  
  


They asked him questions and if he was interested to work in an entertainment company.  
  


He answered that he will talk with his parents and took the buisness card. _Careful not to brush hands._  


The talk with his parents was...strained. They were worried about his 'condition' and he was certain that he could learn how to handle it. He _wanted_ that. Accept the offer and maybe live a whole new, exciting life.  


Hansol adored his parents and his sister. Oh he really adored his sister, but they learned not to come too close to him, afraid that they will hurt him. And they didn't noticed it, but to touch others and have others touching oneself always brings a sort of closeness to each other. Just a small brush of hands can show someone that they are appreciated. A caress on a cheek that you will have their support in everything.  


Hansol knows this.  


He doesn't understand why but he knows that this is how humans are made.Most humans anyways.  
And he loves his family unconditional.

But sometimes, sometimes he gets really lonely.  
And loneliness, brings a whole new depth of hurt.

When he got into the company he was suprised by all the other teenagers. His parents didn't know how he did it but they were happy. He was able after all those years to touch people without feeling like his skin is peeled from his body.  


Thats what they thought.  


He didn't told any of the others about this. At the beginning they treated him nice but distanced anyway. No reason to wake sleeping dogs. Right?  


It took some time and for Hansol it took time that was full of determination, happiness and _pain so constantly that he almost got used to it._  


But they did it. He got closer to all the other 12 members of the group. Seventeen. They did it.  


Most members like Seungkwan and Soonyoung were more likely to come up and hug him randomly and he would bear it, and sometimes smile trought it. 

Even if all he wanted to do was crawl in his bed and never come out again, because after all these years, all these years he worked with them, for his sister, for himself and for the other boys, it _still hurt so much_ that it took all his willpower to not cower away and scream at them not to come near him.  


And there were few members who he was really close to, and didn't randomly touch him.  


_Wonwoo._  


Wonwoo was one of them and even if they didn't talked all the time, he liked him. Of course even he would brush Hansol sometimes, so he would move unconsciously a step away because it still felt strange. _Unnatural._  


Hansol liked him because Wonwoo - cold looking Wonwoo - would just smile and apologise and wouldn't think less of him. Wouldn't think he was some strange kid who didn't fully grasp the korean culture or the idol life if he can't stand skinship. Words that were spoken about him. Never in his face of course. _Of course not_.  


And Hansol, touch-scared Hansol would smile back and take a step forward so he was close again. Because he grew up. And he grew up to be a better version of his younger self. And he welcomed the warmth of Wonwoos body - instead of fearing the heat of his touch.  


He's aware of his status in the group. The image he presents. The sweet kid whos funny and humble but has still a lot to learn. _And thats how he is. Thats how he wants to be._  


But he also knows that sometimes there were comments about his lack of contact with other members. Or a tighness of his smile when he is hugged. How he rarely initiates skinship with anyone, never responds with hugging back and is rather overly polite than touch someone like a friend.  


So he bears this knowledge and after a good performance tries to skim Chans hand with the hope that maybe everything is over and he can be like everyone else only to withdrew his hand and avoid every proximity with the others because now his hand _hurts._  


And that sparks another hurt. _Dissappointment._  


It reaches to his core and engulfs all his euphoria over the successful stage, his happiness for their fans support, takes his whole breath out of him. To every moment that made this day a day to be proud of and leaves only discontent.  
Such an easy task and he failed.  


So he would sit down at a wall, and the others would leave him because they know it as one of his 'moods'. Closing his eyes and thinking about everything and nothing at all, he wouldn't see how someone is sitting down beside him. Not too close but close enough. _A deliberate move._  


And Hansol wouldn't move away or open his eyes, but he would turn his head to his side and enjoy the feeling of Wonwoo's nearness. Would feel his higher than normal warmth. They came from a performance after all.  


Neither of them would say anything but he knows. Knows with all his being that Wonwoo is here, with him, because he can't bear to see him with anything other than a smile on his face. So he opens his eyes to stare in those of his dark haired group member and his lips would pull into a smile.  


The corner of Wonwoo's eyes would crinkle and he could breathe again.

They won. Rookie of the Year. They won and he couldn't be any happier. After the show is over and everone settled down from the high that only winning could give, he goes to Wonwoo who had a solo stage and who was never so nervous before.  


He would congratulate him. Hansol thinks he was great. And Wonwoo is laughing and thanking him and he doesn't know what he is doing. They talk about the evening and Hansol would congratulate him again because he was great and looked nice. So Hansol would look to the ground ashamed that he let those last three words slip when everything in his life was about _self-control_ and Wonwoo would step closer. Close enough. _But never touch._  


Hansol would take a deep breath that could last forever and lift his hand. Just a bit, with hesistation because he didn't liked the pain but beared with it and would slip his hand in one of Wonwoos.

 

_Unnatural._  
_Warm._  
_Unusual._

_Heat._   


But this time it didn't felt like is entire being is on fire.  
More like a tingle that spread trough his whole body and left goosebumps.  


And _elation._  


He lied. He could be happier.

He looks up wide-eyed and gazes in Wonwoo's, who can only stare between Hansol's face and their hands. He knows that this is a big step for Hansol. He doesn't know why. They never talked about this, but he knows, and he is overjoyed that he can stand here and be part of Hansol's experience.  


An uncertain look flitters over Hansols face but after a _slight squeeze_ of his hand, because _just a bit pressure not to much_ , he breaks into a soft smile which is mirrored in Wonwoos face.

Hansol never liked people touching him.  
He didn't know when it started but he was sure it was early in his life.  


But maybe Wonwoo can show him how to turn his life around.

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Hey guys! Sooo this is my first kpop fanfic and I just had to write it because there is literally nothing about Wonwoo and Hansol, even though they are so cute together ^-^  
> I really dont know where i got the idea but sometimes Hansol looks slightly uncomfortable with skinship ? But maybe its all just in my head..  
> So yeah english is not my native language so hopefully it wasn't too bad.


End file.
